So a lot has happened since we last talked, for the better.
First off, I ended things with older xc boy. Shit was gettin weird real fast- like, he made me a painting. And said he was jealous of the arp. So lol. People are weird.
Second, Shan and I are friends again. Praise the lawd. She's my girl. If I woulda lost her I would have been a lost soul wandering aimlessly through college. I'm also gucci swag with the whole team (aside from t money)but I think I just gotta wait it out on that one.
If there's one thing I've learned from this whole experience it's that people move on, that's just life. That doesn't mean, however, that doing stupid things is excusable and pardonable in the future- ya gotta learn from your mistakes and realize that what you did was wrong, or else you'll never change. And people aren't gonna wanna hang out with an immature little egotistical bitchass.
I cannot begin to emphasize the importance of saying you're sorry. It changes everything, and shows that you actually give a dang. It also clears your conscience knowing that you made an active effort to fix the situation. And maybe that apology may not be initially accepted, but sometimes things take time to heal and you gotta learn to respect that and give people space.
I've also learned the importance of listening to your body. If it's telling you it needs something, or that you should stop doing something, you better flippin listen to it because nothing will get better unless you do what you know needs to be done.
Also, I just signed my first lease!! Could not be more excited. I'll be living with a great group of girls, and although it's pretty spendy I think we'll be very happy with our decision to live there. I really need to find an internship/ job of some sort, but I'm sure I'll figure that kind of stuff out in time.
When I first came to college, I wanted nothing to do with my high school friends. I was in college mode- make as many new friends as possible. I wanted to leave my old life behind and just focus on the people who would potentially be my friends for the next four years to come. However, after being through almost my entire first year of college, I've learned how important it is to not throw those kinds of things away. Those friends, the high school ones, are also potential lifelong friends. They share common interests, a common background, and dammit they were there with you when you got drunk and went to the local bowling alley that one time. That kind of shit is what brings people together. And although sometimes our friend group gets on my nerves, I've realized in college how rare it is to find a group of 14 some kids that just get each other. There's no drama, just straight up brotherly love. Every single one of those kids has a special spot in my heart, and I know I can call absolutely any of them about my problems and they'll listen to me. I also love how everyone in that friend group is so down for exploring. Cuz it's hard to find adventurers here at urban UST, as much as I may love the city-goers. It's fun to go "out on the town" and all, but sometimes I just wanna go hike around the woods a bit or jump in some random ass lake. Or throw a dart at a map of Minnesota and go there for the day.
But yeah, through this whole fiasco, I've realized how blessed I am to have friends at home who care about my problems here and want to help me improve the situation and feel better about myself, and remind me that I'm not a super terrible person and that there are people out there who care about me. And I am so, so lucky.
So yeah, moral of the story is: always keep in touch with old friends, and always try to be down to earth. Try to understand what people are going through/ see things from others' point of view, because at some point you may be in just about the same situation.
xo,
the klinks
ps- LIZ AND I ARE GOING TO THE ZOO AND I AM PUMPED
Tuesday, March 24, 2015
Saturday, February 14, 2015
The (Semi) Real-World: College
So I haven't posted in here for quite some time but recently I've felt that maybe writing is the best way to sort through all the crap I've been going through lately.
Lemme tell ya somethin kids- sometimes life has a way of slapping you in the face. If you're a stupid college freshman like me, you think you have it all figured out. Boys, academics, sports teams; you got that shit on lock. The campus is your oyster, your stomping ground. You have this notion that you can do whatever the fuck you want because why? You're a super cool attractive college freshman who no longer has their parents breathing common sense down their necks. You think you're invincible. Guess what guys?! You're not!! Nice try though.
If there's one thing I always catch myself doing, it's blocking people out. I don't listen to people's advice enough and it always, ALWAYS, comes back to haunt me. Maybe it's because my mom seemed to yell at me 24/7 in high school that I just became immune to advice-getting, or maybe I'm just an ignorant dummy. A little word to the wise- you aren't as smart as you think. When people, especially your close friends and family, try and give you advice, it's because they're trying to HELP you. They're not trying to ruin your life or benefit themselves in some wacko- self righteous way. So stop thinking you're smarter than everybody else because honey that attitude and mindset will get you nowhere in life and leave you feeling alone as hell. No one likes a kid who's only out for themselves. My dad always told me that the only way to feel truly good about yourself is by helping other people. I've never really understood that until now. I don't think he means I should necessarily go deliver groceries to old people or volunteer at a soup kitchen, but giving back in some little way helps tremendously in feeling like a whole, genuine person.
Since I've been home I've had some time to re-evaluate: re-evaluate my life, my motives, my goals in life; and I've decided it's time for a change. Call it a quarter-life crisis; a late-teens metamorphosis. It's time to grow up. No more getting shitfaced every weekend and laughing about how "funny" last night was, even if I remember zero of it. No more flirting with any boy that lays eyes on me, or lazing around in my room all weekend. It's time to make a name for myself. If there's one thing I've learned in life it's that you have to experience some pain before you experience glory and true happiness. The happiest people in the world either are working or have worked their asses off to get to where they are now. I used to have that competitive, thriving mindset, but somehow it seems to have slipped away from me. I need to get it back. It doesn't feel right lazing around all day and not doing anything out of the ordinary with my life. I need something that will get me feeling exhausted at the end of the day, that will leave me wishing I had more free time. Because that, for me anyway, is the only way to feel successful. To jam-pack your schedule with things that will help distinguish you as a person; to show the world that YOU ARE IMPORTANT DAMMIT. So yeah. I think I need a job, specifically for weekends, that will keep me routined, happy, and making money. Because clearly sitting around all day is nothing but a horrible thing for me.
I'm writing this post to let you all know that no single person is perfect, and if they think they are then dang have they got some mental issues to sort out. We're all far from perfection, but the important thing to remember is that everyone is trying their best to make themselves count. My old high school psych professor once told me to "lead not a life of success, but of significance." This doesn't mean you should drop out of school and become a motivational speaker or monk or anything but I think it just means that you should lead a life you can be proud of. A life people will remember you by because of all the great things you did and all the peoples' lives you've changed.
I'll hopefully look back at this post a few months (or even a few weeks) from now and still have all these things on my mind and on my agenda. That's really my main motive in writing this is so that I can't dip out early because I know if I see this in the future and read it I'll feel shitty about myself and try to again reevaluate my well-being. Whatever happens, I just hope I can be proud of what I decided to accomplish.
Shamefully/hopefully yours,
Klinks
Lemme tell ya somethin kids- sometimes life has a way of slapping you in the face. If you're a stupid college freshman like me, you think you have it all figured out. Boys, academics, sports teams; you got that shit on lock. The campus is your oyster, your stomping ground. You have this notion that you can do whatever the fuck you want because why? You're a super cool attractive college freshman who no longer has their parents breathing common sense down their necks. You think you're invincible. Guess what guys?! You're not!! Nice try though.
If there's one thing I always catch myself doing, it's blocking people out. I don't listen to people's advice enough and it always, ALWAYS, comes back to haunt me. Maybe it's because my mom seemed to yell at me 24/7 in high school that I just became immune to advice-getting, or maybe I'm just an ignorant dummy. A little word to the wise- you aren't as smart as you think. When people, especially your close friends and family, try and give you advice, it's because they're trying to HELP you. They're not trying to ruin your life or benefit themselves in some wacko- self righteous way. So stop thinking you're smarter than everybody else because honey that attitude and mindset will get you nowhere in life and leave you feeling alone as hell. No one likes a kid who's only out for themselves. My dad always told me that the only way to feel truly good about yourself is by helping other people. I've never really understood that until now. I don't think he means I should necessarily go deliver groceries to old people or volunteer at a soup kitchen, but giving back in some little way helps tremendously in feeling like a whole, genuine person.
Since I've been home I've had some time to re-evaluate: re-evaluate my life, my motives, my goals in life; and I've decided it's time for a change. Call it a quarter-life crisis; a late-teens metamorphosis. It's time to grow up. No more getting shitfaced every weekend and laughing about how "funny" last night was, even if I remember zero of it. No more flirting with any boy that lays eyes on me, or lazing around in my room all weekend. It's time to make a name for myself. If there's one thing I've learned in life it's that you have to experience some pain before you experience glory and true happiness. The happiest people in the world either are working or have worked their asses off to get to where they are now. I used to have that competitive, thriving mindset, but somehow it seems to have slipped away from me. I need to get it back. It doesn't feel right lazing around all day and not doing anything out of the ordinary with my life. I need something that will get me feeling exhausted at the end of the day, that will leave me wishing I had more free time. Because that, for me anyway, is the only way to feel successful. To jam-pack your schedule with things that will help distinguish you as a person; to show the world that YOU ARE IMPORTANT DAMMIT. So yeah. I think I need a job, specifically for weekends, that will keep me routined, happy, and making money. Because clearly sitting around all day is nothing but a horrible thing for me.
I'm writing this post to let you all know that no single person is perfect, and if they think they are then dang have they got some mental issues to sort out. We're all far from perfection, but the important thing to remember is that everyone is trying their best to make themselves count. My old high school psych professor once told me to "lead not a life of success, but of significance." This doesn't mean you should drop out of school and become a motivational speaker or monk or anything but I think it just means that you should lead a life you can be proud of. A life people will remember you by because of all the great things you did and all the peoples' lives you've changed.
I'll hopefully look back at this post a few months (or even a few weeks) from now and still have all these things on my mind and on my agenda. That's really my main motive in writing this is so that I can't dip out early because I know if I see this in the future and read it I'll feel shitty about myself and try to again reevaluate my well-being. Whatever happens, I just hope I can be proud of what I decided to accomplish.
Shamefully/hopefully yours,
Klinks
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