So I haven't posted in here for quite some time but recently I've felt that maybe writing is the best way to sort through all the crap I've been going through lately.
Lemme tell ya somethin kids- sometimes life has a way of slapping you in the face. If you're a stupid college freshman like me, you think you have it all figured out. Boys, academics, sports teams; you got that shit on lock. The campus is your oyster, your stomping ground. You have this notion that you can do whatever the fuck you want because why? You're a super cool attractive college freshman who no longer has their parents breathing common sense down their necks. You think you're invincible. Guess what guys?! You're not!! Nice try though.
If there's one thing I always catch myself doing, it's blocking people out. I don't listen to people's advice enough and it always, ALWAYS, comes back to haunt me. Maybe it's because my mom seemed to yell at me 24/7 in high school that I just became immune to advice-getting, or maybe I'm just an ignorant dummy. A little word to the wise- you aren't as smart as you think. When people, especially your close friends and family, try and give you advice, it's because they're trying to HELP you. They're not trying to ruin your life or benefit themselves in some wacko- self righteous way. So stop thinking you're smarter than everybody else because honey that attitude and mindset will get you nowhere in life and leave you feeling alone as hell. No one likes a kid who's only out for themselves. My dad always told me that the only way to feel truly good about yourself is by helping other people. I've never really understood that until now. I don't think he means I should necessarily go deliver groceries to old people or volunteer at a soup kitchen, but giving back in some little way helps tremendously in feeling like a whole, genuine person.
Since I've been home I've had some time to re-evaluate: re-evaluate my life, my motives, my goals in life; and I've decided it's time for a change. Call it a quarter-life crisis; a late-teens metamorphosis. It's time to grow up. No more getting shitfaced every weekend and laughing about how "funny" last night was, even if I remember zero of it. No more flirting with any boy that lays eyes on me, or lazing around in my room all weekend. It's time to make a name for myself. If there's one thing I've learned in life it's that you have to experience some pain before you experience glory and true happiness. The happiest people in the world either are working or have worked their asses off to get to where they are now. I used to have that competitive, thriving mindset, but somehow it seems to have slipped away from me. I need to get it back. It doesn't feel right lazing around all day and not doing anything out of the ordinary with my life. I need something that will get me feeling exhausted at the end of the day, that will leave me wishing I had more free time. Because that, for me anyway, is the only way to feel successful. To jam-pack your schedule with things that will help distinguish you as a person; to show the world that YOU ARE IMPORTANT DAMMIT. So yeah. I think I need a job, specifically for weekends, that will keep me routined, happy, and making money. Because clearly sitting around all day is nothing but a horrible thing for me.
I'm writing this post to let you all know that no single person is perfect, and if they think they are then dang have they got some mental issues to sort out. We're all far from perfection, but the important thing to remember is that everyone is trying their best to make themselves count. My old high school psych professor once told me to "lead not a life of success, but of significance." This doesn't mean you should drop out of school and become a motivational speaker or monk or anything but I think it just means that you should lead a life you can be proud of. A life people will remember you by because of all the great things you did and all the peoples' lives you've changed.
I'll hopefully look back at this post a few months (or even a few weeks) from now and still have all these things on my mind and on my agenda. That's really my main motive in writing this is so that I can't dip out early because I know if I see this in the future and read it I'll feel shitty about myself and try to again reevaluate my well-being. Whatever happens, I just hope I can be proud of what I decided to accomplish.
Shamefully/hopefully yours,
Klinks
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